In fact, my mom was in town for a few days to help me (got horrendously sick over the weekend; bad migraine. Awful, horrible, no-good-very-bad-thing), and I found it wonderfully ironic that on the exact anniversary of my first post, she made Swiss Chicken. Hurray for comfort food!
Anyway, I started thinking a while ago about what could I do for my first anniversary post... what dish could I make for such a day? A main course? A dessert? An insanely sinful appetizer? As I'm trying to make up my mind on what I could make for you, I'm slowly getting inspired by one of the blogger's I follow.
This blogger is one of the most amazing women whom I dearly hope to meet one day. With every single post she lets readers into her life and bares all for us. I've found her ability to share her successes, her failures, her ups and downs so inspiring. So I'm taking a page from her and let you peek a little more into my life, and my relationship with food.
*whew* Yeah, kinda nerve-wracking to strip away those little barriers you spend years building up. But here goes...
I was in elementary school when I began to obsess about my weight. I didn't do anything about it, but my first weight/image-crazed memory takes me back to 6th grade.
But I was in high school the first time I realized I could skip an entire meal. I started slowly, cutting back on my portions here and there. And then life got busier, as it tends to in high school, and I wasn't necessarily at home for every meal so it got even easier to skip meals without being noticed.
By the time I got to college, I was really starting to spiral out of control. Which is ironic because I totally thought I was IN control! Oh yes, I thought I had it all together. I wasn't a statistic. I didn't shove my fingers down my throat like those girls they showed us in the home ec movies. And lots of people do situps, pushups, and crunches everyday. 100 of each. Obsessively. Right?
College though. College was scarier. College meant I didn't have a mom cooking me healthy meals that I could proudly eat only half of. College meant I had to make my own choices. College meant I made my own rules. College meant the Freshman 15.
I became so focused, so intent on not getting the Dreaded Freshman 15 that I actually went the other direction and probably lost at least 15 pounds. Yeah, not good.
Sooooo, what happened? I wish I could say I had this dramatic, light-switch moment where all became clear to me and I started to eat normally again. But life isn't like the movies. I saw counselors a couple different times. I had the amazing love and support of some WONDERFUL roommates. I had my then-boyfriend-now-husband and his family keeping a careful eye on me, inviting me for dinner several times a week. I even had a kind of intervention with my mom and one of my roommates during my junior year.
Eventually, I began to love myself. I slooooowly started to see my body the way others do. I stopped punishing myself with [the lack of] food, and I even started to love food for what it is. Food is beautiful. Food is one of the most amazing sensory experiences a person can have. Food is incredible.
Now, are my little anorexic tendencies completely gone? No. Do I have "flare-ups" where I look in the mirror and just want to set fire to my pantry? Maybe. But I have a hell of a lot more days where I look at my husband, who sees me as sexy and beautiful. I look at my boys and think "wow, I made them!" I like those days. Those days are the best. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment